It has been some time since I last updated my blog... I have been pretty busy with capturing beautiful moments at weddings and those final entries in some high school yearbooks... senior pictures... as well as some family pictures here and there.
However, the reason I have not posted in a while is more of a personal reason. My blog is essentially a way for people and potential clients to connect to me, the photographer... to get to know me before hand and to see what makes me tick, so-to-speak. In keeping with such a blog requires me to be open about myself... I have nothing to hide... you can read me like book. But in turning the pages of my book the most recent chapter is not a happy one... actually it is very sad for me and my family.
Let me explain. This year has been the WORST year of my life... to be blunt! Though I have experienced the joy of my son's 3rd birthday and my daughter's 1st.. and my daughter's first steps... I have also experienced DEEP LOSS.
The beginning of this year my mom ended up in the ICU at Mt. Hood due to a serious complication from a pretty "standard" out-patient procedure. Forty years ago my mom had her gall blader removed, but this year she found out that there was a gall stone that was missed the first time, which was causing her some serious pain. Her complication came when the surgeon accidently put a surgical instrument into her pancreatic duct, which caused the on set of pancreatitis. My mom ended up in the ICU at Mt. Hood due to this serious complication and she spent 4 months there... enduring a major surgery and eventually being put on a ventilator via a tracheostomy. My mom was in and out of consciousness for a while, but she did come around... she was able to mouth words... she could no longer speak. She was eventually moved to a long term care hospital and what I saw as a positive move... was not. Mom started having more complications and was moved to the ICU at Good Sam in Portland. When my wife, dad and I went to visit her, the doctors told us that she would not survive this illness. My mom did not have an Advance Directive -- this is a statement of your wishes if you were not able to make a decision on your medical care. So, all the decisions on her care fell to me, my wife and my dad.
My mom was in extreme pain every single minute... and she experienced the feeling of not being able to breath... it is what the doctors call, "air hunger." They could not move my mom due to all the sores that she ended up having from being confined to a bed for the better part of 5 months. Seeing her like this was terrible... and that is an understatement! The doctors wanted to have a private meeting with myself, my wife and my dad to discuss her treatment. They told us that they could prolong her life, but she would be in pain every day and her quality of life would not be there. So, the MOST DIFFICULT decision I have ever had to make was to let my mom go... and allow her to meet her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Well, on Sunday May 30th at 5:50AM that is what she did. It was so hard, but God gave me a beautiful sense of peace about it and I am very thankful to him for that. You know, I still remember the last time a talked with her and hugged her and told her I loved her... I am glad to have that memory!
At this moment you might be saying, "that is so sad... I feel so bad for you" ... well, the story is not over yet. Please indulge me a few more paragraphs.
With the passing of my mom, my wife and children and I spent some quality time with my dad. My mom died just a little over a week shy of parents' 50 wedding anniversary. That was very hard for my dad. But we came together as a family and supported each other.
It wasn't until about 3 weeks after my mom died that my dad started to experience some flu-like symptoms and some pain in his lower back. With the urging of my wife my dad finally agreed to go to the doctor -- what is interesting, in my 40 years of life I can count on one hand how many times my dad has been to the doctor... the man just never got sick! Well, they thought that he might have a kidney stone so a CT scan was done... the results... no kidney stones, but CANCER! What a SHOCK to say the least! Here my mom has not even been gone a month and now my dad has cancer.
Alright... my dad has cancer, what is the next step? We ended up taking him to an oncologist and radiologist and the news was not good. My dad's cancer was found to be a rare and aggressive form of kidney cancer and it was stage 4 and terminal! His cancer had alread spread to his spind and the doctors told us that there was really nothing they could do... they told us that he had at the most 6 months to a year left, that is, if he under went treatment. The treatment would not be done to help cure the cancer, but to prolong life.
My wife and I were in a state of disbelief... we could not believe what was transpiring before our eyes! We took care of my dad until his care became too great and needed 24 hour care... we found a wonderful place for him that provided for all his needs... well, a week after we moved him and six weeks since his cancer diagnosis and a day shy of 3 months since my mom died, my dad embraced Jesus and then my mom!
You know, I never thought that I would lose both parents within 3 months of each other... it is something you just never think about. But here is my reality... both my parents are gone and my children will not have that wonderful opportunity to grow and know them both. How sad!
My wife and I are both dedicated Christians and have a very strong faith in Jesus Christ... I know that we will see my mom and dad again, and God has been so gracious to us in seeing us through this deep dark valley we have been walking through this year... we are so thankful for His peace and comfort! I am also so thankful to God for my wife... she has been my rock and has been there every minute of every day for me as I struggled with a mass of feelings about all that I was experiencing... I love you sweetheart and I am so thankful for you! I am also very thankful for my extended family and friends that have been so supportive during this time... I cannot express my gratitude!
Well, I do apologize for my small novel... but it was therapeutic for me to write this and express to all of you all that I have been going through. So, thank you for reading and I am sorry if it was a total downer... but blogs do have those moments.
